why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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