why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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