My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
