Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
