My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
