i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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