I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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