just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
