she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
