Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
