I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize