Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
