I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
