Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
