youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
