His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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