i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize