Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
