brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All the doctor said was why
A bitchslap is in order.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
