So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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