Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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