I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
