I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
