what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
