her facebook's as public as her vagina
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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