Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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