My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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