Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
