I want to walk on stilts...naked
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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