I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
