I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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