mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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