so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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