You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
