yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need to calm my uterus...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
