He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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