I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
