your room smells of hookers.
And success
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
