she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
