I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
