I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
