Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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