i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
