During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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