You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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