How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
