I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize