i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
