Don't make out with my wife yet
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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