did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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