If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
