When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
