Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize