If i come over, it means nothing
...so i touched it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
