The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think i got beer on your cat.
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