like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
