you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
