a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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