Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
