are you still at the devil's house?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
