I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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