Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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