If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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