we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Bring me that man meat
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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