I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
