I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
