I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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