Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
