so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
my nose is crying tears of wow.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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