doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
