He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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