Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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