he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
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Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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