the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
