I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The power of my boobs compel you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
