Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
