what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
